My Castration

Note: Dr. Spector has since retired. His replacement is Dr. Kimmel. Spector and Kimmel can be reached at the Philadelphia Gender Clinic at ********

I arrived in Philadelphia fairly early on Friday. The actual procedure, a "bilateral orchiectomy," as it is called, would be done on Saturday, at 11:00 AM, by Dr. Felix Spector. I went right to the hotel and actually stayed there the rest of the day. This gave me a chance to catch up on e-mails and clubs. One club--a Yahoo! club regarding sexual reassignment surgery that I founded and run, has for the past two days had quite numerous posts regarding orchiectomies. Most were against such a thing and many were second-hand horror stories. Still, with so many of them and a few directed at me in particular, I was getting a bit worried. I looked at them as very cruel jokes and tried not to let them scare the piss out of me (even though that was their intent?).

I also needed to shave. I was told to shave not just my pubic hair on the day before the operation, but also the areas above and below the crotch. This did not take too long, and gave me an excuse to wax my legs--it has been two months. I used the kind of cold wax that comes in ready-made strips that you just put on and pull off. There were just enough to do both legs.

Once I was hair free, I took a nice long shower. You cannot take a shower for ten days after the op, so I made this one good. After drying, I stood in front of a full-length mirror to see what I look like with no pubic hair. Oh, my. My genitals have shrunk so much in the past year. Likely due not just to the estrogens but the potent anti-androgen androcur that I have been eating up since I went back on HRT.

I ordered room service and spent the rest of the night watching TV.

I woke up early the next day to be sure that I was ready. But there was not that much to do. I did not eat, just take my HRT and the antibiotics that you need to start taking two days beforehand. I got my hair wet and used some "Miracle Thickening Serum" on my hair to fluff it up and look nice, and then decide what to wear--a skirt? A dress? Nah, just a T-shirt and blue jeans. After all, I am still a real man physically until the orchie. I did make it a point to wear red panties. I don't know why, it just seemed appropriate.

I packed up my purse with everything that I could think of that I might need for this short trip to the clinic, and hailed a cab. It was just a few minutes away. The clinic itself is rather unnoticeable, just a decal of a caduceus in the window. I walked right in. They knew who I was, because why else would an effeminate "guy" with breasts and long hair stumble in to an unmarked building just before Kelly was scheduled for her orchie?

The three folks at the clinic--Elease Sullivan, R.N., Jeff Adams, and Felix Spector, looked just like their pictures in the website, so I knew who they were all right. I filled out the forms and paid the remainder of the price of the procedure.

And I though that just my eyes were blurry...

...when I took the picture. This is the operating room and bed (behind them) in which the procedure takes place.

***

Elease Sullivan, Felix Spector, Jeff Adams

I said "hi" for all the gals (former patients of his) that asked me to. They remembered them.

After Elease took my blood pressure and checked my pulse, Felix asked me some questions about my HRT, if I were taking the anti-biotics as prescribed, etc. We were ready to get prepped. After stripping, I lied down on the operating table, which was covered in what looked like a big green diaper--to help soak up the blood that would be coming. Next, my weenie was taped up so that it would be out of the way during the procedure. I was thinking about how many might get a woody at that point. I have been totally impotent for the year so far, so no problem there, but some folks get a castration because they simply have way too big of a sex drive. I guess that they use more tape in their case.

Next, the entire area was covered in a red solution. At that point, Dr. Spector came in to give me the anesthetic. It starts with two shots, one for each testicle. I had been forewarned that these shots would hurt greatly, so I knew what was coming. Jeff (who was castrated by Dr. Spector prior to his working for him) joked that he was not forewarned and it was a big surprise for him.

Those shots do hurt--OUCH!!! I grabbed the edge of the bed and squeezed as hard as I could. It takes several seconds to get all of the liquid out of those huge syringes and I just had to hold on and hold my breath. The good news was that two shots generally do it.

We waited 15 minutes for it to take hold. In the mean time, Dr. Spector sat next to me and we chatted about fixing up old houses, some of his former patients that I know that are doing great, HRT, etc. He was not too pleased at the size of my breasts, thinking that they should be bigger, and offered me his prescription of HRT--estradiol, estrone, estriol, and progesterone (or was that provera?), basically, everything. I'd think about it. He was not pleased with me taking the anti-androgen androcur, reminding me that it is not approved by the FDA.

After 15 minutes, he poked my scrotum with a needle--ouch!!! That hurt. Well, it should be numb, but some people need a whole lot more than two shots. Jeff came back in and I had two more. They hurt every bit as much as the first. We then had another 15-minute chat while waiting for those to kick in. He told a few jokes, some of them castration jokes--this put me in a good mood. He then used a needle to see if I were completely numb at that point--no! I wasn't. I could still feel the sharpness of the needle. SOOO, yet another painful shot. I do not know exactly where it was that he put that one in, but that one seemed to be the most painful. I gripped the side of the table and squeezed as hard as I could. It also seemed to take the longest time. I did not hold my breath, but panted in short breaths.

Dr. Spector then left the room and the others came in. Jeff turned on the CD player so that we had mild classical music playing, and asked if I were cold. Yes, I was cold, laying there with no pants on and the A/C blasting away. He turned the thermostat up.

After this, Jeff and Elease put on their surgical gowns and proceeded with the rest of the prep. I was put into a blue gown and a table was placed over me. Next, the surgical equipment was taken from a plastic container of solution and placed on the table. There were about two dozen sets of scissors, hemostats, etc layed out. Then some thread and needles, pads, etc. I looked at all that and thought, "Oh Boy. That's a lot!"

Dr. Spector came in and Jeff gowned him up. He then cut an opening in my blue gown to expose what would be cut open. Felix was on my right; Elease on my left; Jeff assisting where needed during the entire time. After poking me with a needle again, I found that I was as numb as could be. There was one last shot--what was that, morphine? It was time to begin.

There was a scale or some object not too far away on my left side. I reached over and grabbed it and held on tightly. He began cutting.

I felt nothing in the manner of getting my scrotum cut open, but I did feel the oozing of blood puddling around my butt. I remarked about this and was told that that was typical. More cutting, cutting, cutting. I really felt nothing, so I struck up a conversation with Jeff about fixing up old houses. His is a century old, and he is buying a 150 year-old that has been in his family to fix up. My house is quite a bit older, and we had some tales to tell about working on these antiques.

Finally, Felix held out a testicle and showed it to me. "Here is the left one," he said. I asked him about size. He did say that mine were very small compared to the average, but my scrotum and weenie are also small. He made a comment to the nurse that I was built normally, just on a smaller scale. I take the teeny genital comments as compliments, so I was pleased.

I could tell that he was tying up the cord that previously went to that missing testicle, but could not see what was occurring. We talked about putting a mirror above the bed so that the patient could watch the procedure if interested. The mirror could be moved out of the way if the patient was not interested. Just a thought.

He continued to cut, sew, and cut.

It became apparent from what he was doing and what he was saying to nurse Elease that I was difficult to work on because my genitals were so small and that my testes seemed to be closer to my body than normal.

After an hour or so, my butt sure started to hurt. I tried to just bear with it but could not. I asked him to stop so that I could reposition my tush. Ahh, that's better. Next, he showed me the right one. It looked a lot like the other one so I quickly lost interest. He spent the remainder of the time patching me up. I did ask at that point if it would be OK if I changed my mind and wanted to back out of this whole castration thing, but, it seemed that it was too late at that point. Hee hee.

We talked about people backing out of this. Typically, the patient is a no show, but sometimes they get on the table, get all prepped, and then decide against it. But typically, these folks are not transsexuals. We tend to be prepared and stick it out.

Finally, he sewed my scrotum's opening back up nice and tightly. I could sense that that was what he was doing and that the stitches were tight. He did say that it might bleed a little on the first few nights from capillaries near the skin's surface, and not to worry (as an addendum to this journal entry, I had no bleeding at all).

Soon, it was all over. I felt nothing during the operation, so it was not as bad as I had thought. I was then cleaned up. Elease used something that she said would feel cold and then hot. She sure was right about that. The tape on my weenie needed to come off, but it seems that it is easier to put tape on a weenie than to take it off. Elease gave up and told Felix to do it. I was then taped up to hold the gauze on my wound in place. I was amazed at how much tape was used.

Later, I could finally stand up. Elease wiped the rest of the blood and stuff off of my rear, I had more taping up, this time between my legs to keep everything tight, and I could put my clothes back on.

After that, there was a bit of paperwork to do, and for him to take my picture. I then asked to take their picture. I had brought a digital camera with me and gathered them all into the operating room and took the pic. Cool. I'll remember this day for a while, that's for sure!

I will have to say that it was not a bad visit at all. Very pleasant, in fact. Even though they all knew that I had a weenie--they all saw it--they always referred to me as a she. This is common courtesy that most people should have for a trannie. Besides, I was no longer a "he" anyway.

Since I took a cab to the clinic, Dr. Spector offered to drive me back to the hotel. That was kind. On the way, he stopped at a large indoor arena with a plethora of food shops. I am not used to seeing those outside of Asia. He took me to a shop that sold turkey sandwiches, because that is what I wanted, and bought me lunch. He noticed that I was wearing a Hard Rock Café T-shirt from Taipei, so we walked two blocks away to the local Hard Rock Café so that he could buy me a Philadelphia HRC T-shirt. He then proceeded to take me on a tour of downtown Philadelphia. We saw the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin's tomb, the mint, etc. It was absolutely wonderful. I had never been to Philly and intended to see these sites sometime. The whole tour lasted about two hours and I really enjoyed it. He is so nice to us trannies. He keeps saying that he wants us to succeed.

He dropped me off at the hotel. I can call him any time at home if I have any complications. I will see him again tomorrow for inspection and redressing.

Right now, at seven hours after the op, I feel just fine. The best part is--I am now a eunuch and no longer a real male.

So, I had a really wonderful day today, one that can hardly be beat.

You will not be able to shower for ten days. Ick. You also need to change the dressings every other day and apply Neosporin to the wounds. When it is time for removing the sutures, you will need to find a local doctor to do this. As it turned out, I went to a local emergency hospital that also takes care of walk-ins, and had it done there. The doctor looked and asked what had happened! I simply told him that I had an orchiectomy. He said, "OK," and took care of me. We did discuss that this is something that you just don't see everyday. :)

All healed and getting on with life

The orchiectomy was an irreversable step in the right direction. It also gave me more courage to continue transition. Here, just after I was healed and ready to live once again, I met with a number of my TS friends at a party.

I had been letting transition take a back seat to other matters for far too long, and had, at this point, decided to tie up all loose ends and live life full time as Miss Kelly once more. But this time, permanently.